Be Ivrit bil'adit

Had I known how much fun it’d be to seriously tackle a new foreign language, I would’ve started many years ago.

A few months ago I started learning Hebrew. Studying a new language as an intellectually fully-fledged adult (as if!) –a totally different kettle of fish! Like, trying to understand what’s going on from the grammatical, as well as linguistic point of view. It’s challenging, frustrating, makes you question the extent of your own intelligence, makes you appear a fool in front of laughing audiences, all that stuff. It’s also loads of fun. And more.

For the last 2.5 weeks I’ve been studying Hebrew at Ulpan-Or in Tel-Aviv. It’s a vibrant and young-in-spirit company, offering a real smorgasbord of one-on-one programs, customised and tailored to their students’ needs. They use this kick-ass methodology, called Rapid Language Acqusition (RLA) Method – and I swear, they must be doing something right, for I’m quite happy with my progress, as happy as I’ve been with the whole experience.

Three hours of study a day, five days a week? Intensive. And intense. But mostly: pure fun. They use wonderful study kits based on lively up-to-date dialogues and day-to-day life situations, presented often as audio-dialogues, soap opera-style. Which made me howl with glee, banshee-style. How many times would I arrive for class slightly frayed at the edges from some internal drama I was battling, and leave with a huge moronic grin on my face? Many. Ask Leanne, the office manager – she’ll tell you.

My gorgeous teacher Yael was by my side every step my language-learning journey: enthusiastically cheering on my progress, patiently correcting my cringe-producing mistakes and gently encouraging me when my confidence was faltering and my brain turning into falafel mash. She was guiding me through the maze of Hebrew verb groups with astuteness and grace of a tightrope walker. And she’d produce a wonderfully cheesy song for me to learn, just when I needed to laugh, then make me soppy with tears with another.

I don’t think of myself as an easy student: I’ve been known to be stubborn, lazy and perpetually low self-esteemed. But I might have made it up to Yael by producing sentences like: “Why do you like these young black studs so much?” during writing exercises. Or by brightly announcing that “I like to get up in the park*”. Or by professing that Tel Aviv absolutely needs a “Secretary Shop**” Ah, the perils of hammering the new into the thick mass that is one’s brain; you need a licentia poetica for all the damage you do to the innocent language. Nonetheless: kudos to Yael for sticking it out with me. I miss you already.

What I also like about Ulpan-Or, is that it successfully combines language study with the immersion in Israeli culture and history. T-Ulpans – short tours to historical places in Tel Aviv are a fantastic way to learn about the Eretz, and you get to interact with your teacher only in Hebrew be for the whole two hours. I’ve had a great time on both of my Tiyuls. Both my tutors – Yoav and Tzvika were ace, and unperturbed that instead of talking about history, I drilled them with personal questions. I guess they know better than me that in Hebrew there’s no word for “tact”, but the word “chutzpah” is not for nothing.

Yesterday Tzvika and I were touring the Old Train Station (HaTahana). While admiring artsy old-school posters at Made in TLV shop, I even got treated to an upgraded, yet unauthorized version of the Bible story about Jonah and the Whale. One featuring Pinoccio, who came to accompany the prophet in the guttural abysses of the great fish.

“So Elohim requested that Jonah talks to the Assyrians, and tells them ‘No no no’, but Jonah wasn’t interested” continued Tzvika “He’d rather go to the beach, smoke a ciggie…” .“Have a beer…” I chimed in. Even the shop girl came over to listen in, attracted by our unabashed giggles.

And that’s how I came to realize that I can actually have an entire conversation be Ivrit bil’adit*** without imploding from frustration and effort. A conversation as halted and awkward as it gets, but still – a conversation.

Learning Hebrew has proved a very empowering experience to me. Not only did I discover that I wasn’t brain-dead yet, but I also found something that the very brain has a real liking for (I tried it with maths and physics before, but it didn’t work). It’s like landing on a brand-new planet and discovering that you can actually live and breathe on it. It’s exciting; exhilarating in that child-like kind of way. It’s many things. It’s saved my arse from drowning.

Gee, I love Hebrew! Both ancient and modern, it’s got spunk and soul, it churns in my belly and sings in my heart. It’s beautiful.

I wonder who can temper my polyglotic appetites now? In my sinister fantasies the list of languages I want to acquire in this lifetime is expanding. Yet I’m hoping that I’ve still got a considerable amount of time left, before the mighty Alzheimer claims me. Which, hopefully and considering the energy I put into keeping my wits running on high octane– will be never.

* I mistakenly used “lakum” (to get up) intead of “laruc” (to run).

** Idem, “mazkira” (secretary) instead of “mazkeret” (souvenir).

*** meaning: “exclusively in Hebrew”